Who is this man, and why wasn’t he my father?

On Friday night, my seventeen year old sister got suspended from school for ten days for drinking at the Homecoming dance.

Idiot. While it may be true that “It’s not fair! Everyone else was drinking too!”, everyone else was at least smart enough to hide this fact from the security guards and faculty members.

After relaying to my friend Annie the latest developments in the saga of my delinquent sister and her moronic teenage antics, she remarked, “Well, I hope they give her an in-school suspension, because an out of school suspension is like getting a ten day vacation.” To which I replied, “That’s exactly what I said!” This, from the same two girls who spent a good deal of their adolescence in a haze of vodka and Purple Passion. The same girl who, when she was eighteen, illegally acquired her twenty-three year-old sister’s birth certificate from the town hall and went down to the DMV to get a fake ID, and her best friend, accomplice, and fellow underage bar-hopper, yours truly, the girl who was also allegedly responsible for several teenage keg parties and other miscellaneous crimes and misdemeanors. We are now The Responsibility and Consequences Squad. Coming soon to a town near you! We utter phrases like, “Well, I hope she has learned her lesson”, “Where is the rest of her skirt?”, “I’m so disappointed in your behavior”, and “Kids these day, my God!”

We have officially turned into our parents.

Actually, I have turned into my parents, not my sisters’ parents, because I don’t even recognize my sisters’ parents anymore. They have officially thrown in the towel. After telling me all about what my sister had done, how my mom had to get out of bed at 11 pm and go down to the high school to pick up her drunken daughter, how my sister swore that she hadn’t been drinking (and later recanted: “Well, of course I was drunk but I wasn’t going to admit it!), how she got suspended, my father and I had the following conversation:

“Well, how long did you punish her for?”

“I didn’t.”

“Excuse me? Come again?”

“I’ve been doing this parenting thing for 31 years now. I’m tired. I’ve got nothing left.”

“But she got suspended! For drinking! At school! And lied about it!”

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t do the same things and worse. You were just smart enough not to get caught.”

The man has a point. But, still! Had I gotten caught doing any one of those things, I would still be punished. What has become of the father that I grew up with? The man who once grounded me for 56 days because I went to a concert and was supposed to call home to check in at 11:00 but didn’t call until 11:56? The parent who would ground me when I got a B? The father, who, despite my begging and pleading and threatening to run away from home and swearing to God that I would be forever brandished an outcast by my 8^th grade classmates, would not let me wear hairspray or nail polish or make-up? It was the 80’s for God’s sake – hairspray was necessary in order to lead a normal teenage life. Some kids snuck beer and cigarettes. I snuck Aqua-Net. And beer.

The disparity is alarming. Somewhere in between my adolescence and my sisters’, “don’t let me ever catch you near that liquor cabinet” became “Kim, what the hell happened to the vodka? Have you and your sister been making Jell-O shots again?”

After 4 kids and 31 years of parenting, I guess you need all the vodka you can get.

Comments

[Pam]

My mom didn't have a problem with the Aquanet, but did object to what she called "that crimping shit" that went on in the 80's.

We've all decided that the holidays need more alcohol - except I can't drink (pregnant), and neither can my mom (arthritis medication). I think we're resorting to Oreo Cheesecake, instead.

[Catt]

Truly horrifying when you realize you've turned into your parents.

While I cannot relate about the younger sibling thing, I definitely see it with my kids. My children are allowed to get away with all kinds of stuff at my parents' house that would have gotten me killed as a child.

On a non-related note - hope you all had a fabulous turkey day!

[Diana]

I know we all turn into our parents- we were warned about it at some point. My mother always said to me "Daughter you are, mother you will be...just wait and see."
Hmph.
Younger sibling issue- my SEVENTEEN year old sister had AN ABORTION and got an 05 Civic when she graduated high school... can we talk about something here? HEL- LO!

[Dawn]

It is Scary isn't it. As the oldest, I bore the brunt of the watchful parenting. Watching my younger sister ( 13.5 years younger) was like watching a version of my family - in Bizarro world.

And my mom said the same thing. She was tired. Just didn't have it in her to fight the fight. So I shared some of my opinions, which were ignored.

But Dammit! If I suffered intense micromanagement of my teen years, so shall you , younger siblings!!! There will be no condoned sex in the house of my parents when I could not shut a door in the house while with a Boy!